My beloved synagogue is embarking on our second database implementation in as many years. [womp womp!] Our old database, Jvillage, was acquired and deprecated *sad face.* I wrote a skit for the holiday Purim to commemorate the database-picking process and we performed it last night! Although the skit ends on a sad note, I’m happy to say that we found an option (in our budget range) that I’m excited and optimistic to use! You’ll hear more in future blog posts :). Want to learn more about Purim? Check out this post from last year on turning data upside down!
CHORUS: Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match! Find me a find!
ROWAN (to Rabbi): I got dumped by my database and I am heartbroken. I’ve been dating for awhile now, but I still haven’t found any to settle down with. Do you have any recommendations?
Rabbi: Ah! You must meet with my friend, the CRM Matchmaker! Find the DATE-A-BASE of your DREAMZ!
Enter SHADCHAN: I am a matchmaker! I have matched hundreds of single synagogues with the database of their dreams!
ROWAN: Great! We’re a small but growing vibrant synagogue in West Philly. My ideal match is good lookin’, reliable and flexible.
CHORUS: Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match! Find me a find! Catch me a catch!
SHADCHAN: I have just the match for you!
CHORUS: [Raise broomstick with a sign that says “Expectations” up into the air.]
DATE #1
ROWAN: Thanks for joining me at the Manishevitz wine bar! I love hanging out here.
DATABASE #1: Hi, my name is ShulCloud from the family of ChaverWare and MitzvahMetrics. I come from a long line of databases.
ROWAN: Oh really? I previously dated your cousin, JVIllage. Things didn’t end well….
DATABASE #1: Awkward….
ROWAN: Ok, moving on. I always ask this on my dates. Will you tell me about your ideal household structure?
DATABASE #1: Easy! Well, you have a man and a woman. The man is the head of the household.
ROWAN: Database #1, I’m sorry to say we’re just incompatible!
CHORUS: [Lower broomstick with a sign that says “Expectations” to shoulder height.]
DATE #2
ROWAN: Thanks for joining me! I always feel a bit shy on first dates.
DATABASE #2: I have lots of features that will set you right at ease!
ROWAN: Wow – that sounds awesome! The most important feature is flexibility – are you ok with trying stuff out and seeing what we both like? I know that my needs and desires change over time and I want to be able to plan for our future together.
DATABASE #2: What you see is what you get!
ROWAN: I’m sorry to cut this date short, but I don’t see us working out.
CHORUS: [Lower broomstick with a sign that says “Expectations” to waist height.]
DATE #3
DATABASE #3: Hi there! I heard that you’re single while I was having a shvitz with the other databases, and I wanted to reach out ASAP!
ROWAN: Wow, really? I’m flattered! Kol Tzedek is *pretty awesome* at implementing database systems, if I do say so myself. I’m a catch!
DATABASE #3: I couldn’t agree more
ROWAN: So, before we get into a relationship, I want to have an honest conversation about financial transparency.
DATABASE #3: I don’t believe in financial transparency
ROWAN: Well, it’s important to us that every household member be able to see what’s going on with their recent donations. Nu?
DATABASE #3: That’s preposterous!!!! Why do you run your shul in such a way? Why are you even talking to me?
ROWAN: If I remember correctly, YOU reached out to US!
CHORUS: [Lower broomstick with a sign that says “Expectations” to the floor.]
CRM committee Meeting
ROWAN: Y’all, I’ve been dating and dating and no database is the right match for us!