My beloved synagogue is embarking on our second database implementation in as many years. [womp womp!] Our old database, Jvillage, was acquired and deprecated *sad face.* I wrote a skit for the holiday Purim to commemorate the database-picking process and we performed it last night! Although the skit ends on a sad note, I’m happy to say that we found an option (in our budget range) that I’m excited and optimistic to use! You’ll hear more in future blog posts :). Want to learn more about Purim? Check out this post from last year on turning data upside down!

Mrs. Doubtfire characters sing “Matchmaker, matchmaker”

CHORUS:  Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match!  Find me a find!

ROWAN (to Rabbi):  I got dumped by my database and I am heartbroken.  I’ve been dating for awhile now, but I still haven’t found any to settle down with.  Do you have any recommendations?

Rabbi:  Ah! You must meet with my friend, the CRM Matchmaker!  Find the DATE-A-BASE of your DREAMZ!

Enter SHADCHAN:  I am a matchmaker!  I have matched hundreds of single synagogues with the database of their dreams!

ROWAN:  Great! We’re a small but growing vibrant synagogue in West Philly.  My ideal match is good lookin’, reliable and flexible.

CHORUS:  Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match!  Find me a find! Catch me a catch!

SHADCHAN:  I have just the match for you!

CHORUS:  [Raise broomstick with a sign that says “Expectations” up into the air.]

DATE #1

ROWAN:  Thanks for joining me at the Manishevitz wine bar!  I love hanging out here.

DATABASE #1:  Hi, my name is ShulCloud from the family of ChaverWare and MitzvahMetrics.  I come from a long line of databases.

ROWAN:  Oh really?  I previously dated your cousin, JVIllage.  Things didn’t end well….

DATABASE #1:  Awkward….

ROWAN:  Ok, moving on.  I always ask this on my dates.  Will you tell me about your ideal household structure?

DATABASE #1:  Easy! Well, you have a man and a woman.  The man is the head of the household.

ROWAN:  Database #1, I’m sorry to say we’re just incompatible!

CHORUS:  [Lower broomstick with a sign that says “Expectations” to shoulder height.]

DATE #2

ROWAN:  Thanks for joining me!  I always feel a bit shy on first dates.

DATABASE #2:  I have lots of features that will set you right at ease!

ROWAN:  Wow – that sounds awesome!  The most important feature is flexibility – are you ok with trying stuff out and seeing what we both like?  I know that my needs and desires change over time and I want to be able to plan for our future together.

DATABASE #2:  What you see is what you get!

ROWAN:  I’m sorry to cut this date short, but I don’t see us working out.

CHORUS:  [Lower broomstick with a sign that says “Expectations” to waist height.]

DATE #3

DATABASE #3:  Hi there! I heard that you’re single while I was having a shvitz with the other databases, and I wanted to reach out ASAP!

ROWAN:  Wow, really?  I’m flattered!  Kol Tzedek is *pretty awesome* at implementing database systems, if I do say so myself.  I’m a catch!

DATABASE #3:  I couldn’t agree more

ROWAN:  So, before we get into a relationship, I want to have an honest conversation about financial transparency.

DATABASE #3:  I don’t believe in financial transparency

ROWAN:  Well, it’s important to us that every household member be able to see what’s going on with their recent donations.  Nu?

DATABASE #3:  That’s preposterous!!!!  Why do you run your shul in such a way?  Why are you even talking to me?

ROWAN:  If I remember correctly, YOU reached out to US!

CHORUS:  [Lower broomstick with a sign that says “Expectations” to the floor.]

CRM committee Meeting

ROWAN:  Y’all, I’ve been dating and dating and no database is the right match for us!

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